If I were you Id take a break and keep your heart open for a new partner who is more compatible with you and whos needs match with yours, at least whos match a bit more than he does. Then, this guy comes up to me and asks if I was new there. And boom..you would be able to leave him to be single and be open for someone whod treat you just the way you deserve. However, he has never been one to put in huge amounts of effort. His text messages have gotten shorter, he would rather hangout with his buddies instead and says if we hangout to much we will get bored of eachother. Dont end up like me. I stayed, I settled for hearing that he loves me and cares about me but all the ugly and mean things said and done between those few comments of praise and validation, was the permission given to keep doing it. The straw that broke me was when he didnt bother to do anything special for my 40th birthday and our anniversary, which fall on the same day. If he isnt putting any effort in the beginning of the relationship then I think its time to let him go. He may be afraid to show sensitivity, make sure to let him know that its okay for him to cry. If your S.O. However, just before christmas time, the same things started to happen again, effort drops off. I dont feel like I really know him at all. He said I did agree to go to the park this weekend. I too feel like Im not asking too much- but even if Im clear in communicating what I want and need, my boyfriend rarely makes the effort. He is so passive. I was so upset and sad to know he did that, specially after just having a baby. As stated above, knowing what your boyfriend is going through (ex trauma, personal grief, work load) is important and all, but also knowing how you would act if you were in a similar situation gives you answers and peace. Should I just leave and find someone that can give me those things? Hes going to party for his birthday but couldnt do anything special for me today, especially after everything I do for him. Insulting me, asking me if I wrote in my little journal for today that my goal is to stop asking him for stuff?? I said ok. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Oh and i forgot to say that the first and second time i snuck out I paid his sister 40 dollars OUT OF MY BIRTHDAY MONEY. So we decided to give it a try. So anyways I snuck out again and yeahme and him hung outit was a special moment for me. My bf has been acting distance from me lately. Its really hurtful to live with, and it really makes me feel unappreciated and un loved. His complaint is that no matter what he does is never enough and that I dont contribution anything. And think about the other person not just about yourself. Ask your boyfriend open-ended questions about how he thinks your relationship is going, and if theres anything you both can do to bring you closer together. I make sure I put into the relationship as much as I get. Keep in mind, he does suffer from depression here and there where he has no energy at times and finds no pleasure in anything. I wish he understood how confused and unloved this makes me feel. He Is Going Through Something What I got from this is that it is OK for a male to not understand what he wants in a relationship, but a female should bow down down no matter what. how to respond when your boyfriend stops texting you, When He Doesnt Make Time for You: How to Create More Love in Your Relationship, how to be an emotionally strong woman in your relationships, 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship, 6 Ways to Handle a Boyfriend Who Doesn't Have Time for You, What to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting or Calling You, Did He Stop Making an Effort? He sounds lazy and you sound unhappy. Has done things for me, in my own home. But Ive just always felt like im not one of his priorities. Anyway I would talk about these things with him and he would make progress, but then get right back to the same place shortly after. everything stopped. Ive had a talk with him a few times that I feel like his mom, Im always cleaning and cooking and have to tell him what needs to be done. I also pay all the bills, budgeting, grocery shopping. Im ready to just get out of this soon. Whats the point of working hard if you wont let yourself play hard? While you should always feel free to express yourself and say whats on your mind, take a good look at the way you're communicating. We had to fight a lot so I can see his friends pictures. He is playing you and gas lightning you! When I ask him about it hes adamant that he still wants to be with me for the long haul and that he still loves me the way that he did when we met, which I feel so bad for doubting but its just so hard not to when things change like that. Those arent just low relationship expectations, theyre unhealthy patterns of behavior. The point is if a man cares enough about his future wife and son would he want them to be safe and help them move to become a family.. Kiki, I do not like what you said about being the one who travels back and forth. we recently got back together after a break up. From what i have learned about him, I know he is someone who does not really know what dating is. He doesnt know WHY he cant put in the effort that he wants to put in. is dealing with the pressure of having other things on their mind, such as an achingly difficult work project or personal and/or familial issues that sap them of the energy to deal with little else. He needs a chill pill and a real wake up call and renewed investment in life vs his career. He never compliments me, from my perspective he only tells me when Im not doing something right. That will drive you crazy too. But after reading the article I realize that Ive just been complaining but I have never taken out the time to ask him, what a healthy happy relationship looks like to him, what his definition of effort is, or what kind of life does he want us to live, with me planning everything for us or what he wants. Also, since he fundamentally had no place to live when quarantine first began his ex wife paid for a month for his AirBnB and he said he couldnt tell her about me yet. I just lack security in myself that I need to fill. I dont want to decorate his car or buy him that cake. Like, if they arent happy anymore, why not tell us so we can move on? This is really helpful. 1. If youre not walking out the door, you are telling him that his behavior is acceptable. My friend found someone perfect really quickly on Tinder 3 years ago, and they just got married in November. Im in a similar situation. Youre still young and should take that same advice youd give your daughter. This guy is not going to do that for you. I didnt see him so I thought maybe he didnt want to show up. FUNCITONING ALCOHOLIC. work game sleep. You deserve so much more than whats going on and it seems like youve been by his side throughout all the ups and downs but he cant be the man you need. I would say he fell in love(infatuated?) Then keep being the fabulous person that you are. When I try to talk to him about my feelings he never ever knows how to react and just completely closes off from me. I give it some days to really think what I wanted to do and I decided I wanted to work it out so I talked to him and expressed how I felt and ask what made him want to do this. I asked him if he could pick me up some tea from the shop as I was unwell. Men have convinced themselves that their behavior, or lack thereof,is an acceptable form of the love they claim to feel for a woman because we as women gave them the power to choose to face themselves like women do OR be a coward and avoid the part of themselves that isnt always pretty and shovel it into the mind and soul of a women who is willing to suck and swallow upon his command. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. We moved forward and ever since our relationship has been better than ever. He just recently finally started being productive at home again, picking up where he left off over a year ago on unfinished started projects. I have felt hurt and abandoned, left out, unwanted, ever since he started his masters two years ago and threatened by his preference for them over me. I read this article today because today he laughed at me when I put on a dress that wasnt low cut or revels my chest. Get away from him immediately! However, I started to notice some changes in him, subtle ones. I got to see him in person for the first time and we were in love. Hi Jessica, Sweetie this man is never going to love you the way you want him too.He may love you the only way he knows how and its not a healthy kind of love by your comments. She tried to meet my bf but she found out about more crazy stuff and i got into a lot of trouble. He has changed massively and does not do any of those things now. He has lost interest in everything. But he laughed at me. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. Not only that sexual favors have been one sided for a long time now. He dresses professionally. I finally had to let him go. , hopefully each day, I will start to become stronger, and maybe me and him could continue with our friendship as time passes. i understand with everything going on it is hard, but that was an issue with my ex-husband after we had kids. Am so confused I dont rilly know what to do . He has free accommodation, food, gas, sexy times, meals cooked, washing done etc. Within the past 2 years. It shouldnt have bothered me except the fact he didnt get me one. Hes really bad at texting and sometimes we dont really talk on the phone cause he said he was tired. I am feeling, like my expectations may be too high. Recently, and at a time where my mental state has been absolute crap and I really needed some comfort, we didnt see each other for about a month and a half. I forgot the bin was being collected and it was due to arrive in a few hours, he didnt take it out. They say age shouldnt matter, but it does play a part. Here we are stuck in the same pattern, he is hot and heavy in our relationship one month, then goes cold out of nowhere. I didnt get to ask him for his number or anything so I only had his name. A. I wasnt looking but I found it. I cook everyday, wash his clothes, iron them do all the housework and look after the kids. I wish I had answers for you girl, but Im very much in the same boat, hope we can figure something out, hang in there! So that irritates me as I scramble to get everything I need to get done before he gets there so I can spend time with him instead of homework or dishes or laundry. And I told him we can figure it out together after 1/2 weeks I asked him again and go if you dont want to be with me just say it and he said he doesnt want to be a di**head and I said fine and I tried ending it because the way I was getting replies I felt as if he didnt want this no more. So many thoughts, so many scenarios. He does not believe relationships should take work he doesnt want to have to work or make it work which is unrealistic. I spend half my time daydreaming about being actually taken care of by someone. His self-absorbtion is engrained and chronic- and not my issue to fix. Could you be the one who's not listening? Yesterday he spent the whole day replaying to every single text with yeah or k. Girl, you need to ditch him. I knew something was wrong. I accepted bread crumbs, while continuing to give and give and give. He used to do all these romantic things for me before we went long distance. Instead of wishing things were different, practice accepting the fact that you cant change your boyfriend or make him want to spend time with you. HE DOESNT TAKE THE TRASH OUT ANYMORE. I dont know what else to say about any of it, but I do know that Im getting more depressed by the day. Hes a year above me, so he went to the senior high and I still went to the junior high (sophomore and freshman) and he would go out of his way because his school got out earlier, he would walk to the junior high and meet me after school and wed walk home. We look for people to fill our emptiness and when they arent meeting the standards we become emotionally unstable. Especially no Valentines or birthday. You can do it xoxox, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I was the one initiating our relationship and I feel like he thinks just being there is enough for me. What you talk about really does depend on the issues youre facing, how long youve been together, and why your boyfriend isnt making an effort in your relationship. Never happened. Yet around the holidays, he has completely dropped off the radar and is barely giving me more than a one word text response back. His golden excuse is Im busy. Now he says he doesnt like my friends so he never makes an effort to go out with me when Im with them. Maybe you feel grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first. Do I let this person disrespect my boundary? August came around I went back to school. Fast forward to after the trip, he rolled back into town and expected me to be completely free for him to come over to loaf around my apartment. but again i was stupid and foolish.. i was so considerate to him that i believed that things will be different this time. He never brought it up again so I decided time to move on, clearly he is not interested. Also dont listen to a guys words only watch their actions. But he reminds me almost daily that he thinks Im lazy and should be working at if Im not in school. But nope as well. A couple weeks ago, we went to a show which was our first date in a long time. Especially because hes not an introverted person, he has a lot of friends he goes out with often to play board games or to bars. Some of the things that he was doing I perceived them differently than how he intended them. You are right, hes very self centered and if he has to have you around, you also have to center around him. Sometimes even i dont get it,If im asking for too much. I got up today and did mine in bed, he continued browsing the web on his phone which is all he does now when we are together. I tried talking to him about it and he was very dismissive with just an okay, I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3years now but he hasnt prioritized me..his family always comes first, whereas i do the most work, im there for him emotionally, physically financially sometimesbut I always come last on his list he is a good guy and he respects me and all but im jst tired cos he doesnt spend on me.Then i met another guy who will give me his eyeballs as soon as i ask for them but he is very disrespectful and selfish wen it comes to my feelings.. he is always the right one.. if I complain of being ignored till his convenience he jst ignores me some more and comes back to say Im sorry babe i love you and thats it..I really dont know what to do.. please help me. Everything now has become a tit-for-tat pissing match competition for control and autonomy. And he is never sorry because he can justify it no matter how stupid. If you have never met in person then its more than enough reason to break up with him. Men just are good at keeping it closed up. You won't drive him crazy, you'll push him away and for good. I would NEVER drop my whole life for a Man! In a year and a half weve gone on maybe 2 dates and I had to beg for them. Stopped fantasies and games and generally sexual desire towards me about 2-3 years ago now, losing track. He never plans to visit me unless I ask him when hes coming, like he doesnt do anything unless I nag him, and I dont want to be a nagging person so I thought its best we go separate ways and see if we can work it out. He came up with a lot of excuses such as traffic is bad, I have homework (hes a grad school), oh and the one that always gets on my nerve Im tired. Somehow I always felt that he did it because of something I did. And he certainly isnt going to change without a real reason, e.g., losing someone he cares about. Im dating my bf for a year and a half and we have had many calm as well as heated conversations about our relationship on our priority list. I havent felt loved in so long and ever since we started doing long distance, I feel like Im always putting in effort to do a lot of small things for him just to cheer him up but he doesnt think about doing anything special for me. He says he loves but i dont really see it in actions you know. He has some really great qualities and some sh**y ones. And even now he knows that there are small things he has done to make me feel loved and special (eg my name on his ig bio without me asking) and Ive made it so so clear that these small things make so so happy, but I just noticed that he removed my name from his bio yesterday and it breaks my heart because thats the one thing he has done that reminded me he loves me.. its so stupid because its such a small thing but at this point I have been so starved of love that I dont have anything else. If youre depressed by my first tip on what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship (accept him for who he is right now), Ive got good news for you! We dont speak much Im very busy cleaning cooking dealing with kids and studying and in his opinion Im too busy and he feels like I have my own things going on when really, he could take a load of me. Dont know full dets but I know you deserve to be happy. My boyfriend and I have known each other since I was 18 years old. But he would rather break up than try to understand what makes me happy and make an effort. It could be stress at work, ill-health, anxiety, or family issues. His answer was, Havent I been patient enough? So, my boyfriend and i have known each other our entire lives. I am an emotional person and I tend to cry. I pay d bills, I buy him stuffs give him money, I practically do everything in d relationship . He told me about his insecurity that I seem to have a plan and moving forward with my life and career, while hes not and he fears the future ahead. I feel like we should break up but as I say he is my life its really difficult and I dont want to hurt him. i cried a lot i asked myself will i love him back after knowing everything. And im as asian girl. Weve been together a year and a half now. Im feeling pained and upset with myself the concessions Ive made and feeling as though theres no room for compromise. and drags me with this idea too. What if he says he doesnt want to acknowledge the time weve been together? Theres little to no effort. It was all too perfect in the beginning and I was fearful. Dee, well said and youre 100 percent correct! Idk what to do I dont want to lose him but i cant tell if he loves me or not he says he rlly does but doesnt act like it. He says he loves me but I dont see him actively showing his love. I dont know if Im being dramatic but its just hard sometimes when you feel like you love someone more than they love you. September came around. However I have had major trust issues since I was young and still find it hard to trust him in certain situations. When your message doesnt have a question mark in it, he might not realize that youre waiting for a reply. You should definitely read the book why men love b*tches this really goes into depth on why men do that. Im lucky if I get a phone call from him. I dont know why he continues on with me if he has no interest. The first 5 he was boyfriend of the year. You dont deserve to be treated like nothing. That gives a clear instruction on how they can help meet your needs. I recently said I needed a romantic date, and other things kept coming up. He understood, admitted he takes me fore granted and he would try harder. I guess in the end we need to decide if hes worth all this heartache. He has recently been stressed about getting into grad school and got denied for his first two school. It may be time to reassess your relationship. I do want to believe its because of all his family issues that all this is happening but I am well known for making excuses for boyfriends when things arent right. I have been dealing with a lot lately. Forget it. Is Your Boyfriend's Mother Ruining Your Relationship? Life is too short to waste it being miserable and stressed out and fighting over stupid shit. I do not want to give up on relationship, But seems to be STAGNANT right now. Im afraid the only way we can turn this scenario upside down is by starting to love and care about ourselves more. Its been almost two years and weve been inseparable ever since but lately it seems like something has changed. Say you have a date tomorrow night. Yesterday he said he had tried to write in his journal in the morning but it was took dark and did not want to wake me. NO AFFECTION. Cant believe how common my situation is right now. through text, he claims to love me and all that, but in person, i feel like he does the bare minimum. Ive told him why I need contact to stay connected to each other n to feel secure n have fun. He has made me realize a lot of my flaws and made me seek my inner self to understand why I am the way I am. Were in a fight right now because of that and what he says is for me to do things the way I used to but that way we will never be together. We went on a trip. He hasnt asked me out or made an effort to spend anytime with me for 4 weekends in a row. He still lives with his mum at almost 30. Ignoring a man based on false projections often has drastic results. I think the best thing to do would be to withdraw and give him space. That being said, on Christmas or birthdays or Valentines day, I expect something. It took several conversations where I told him i needed him to be the one to ask me to meet up and reach out more often, as it made me feel loved. He comes to stay here but thats it really. Wow!Same here. You wish your boyfriend was as attentive and loving as he was at the beginning of your relationship. What do you do when your boyfriend hate you so much when he is drunk? He replied: about what? I am like at the I dont know what to do stage right now my boyfriend is not even home because I told him to just leave we got together super fast and since the beginning I noticed that he wasnt affectionate at all but I thought he might be shy but as time passed he still is non affectionate at all! Watch YouTube videos on narcissistic boyfriends and you will know how lucky you are to be able to get away from him. His mom, so sweet and caring, once scolded me because I refused to go on a trip with him. But I am tired of not having a life together anymore. When he isnt at work he shuts himself in the bedroom and plays games whilst I deal with the kids. They just seems like some eords. This all happended 1 1/2yrs back.. From that day on, several times we discussed this. But I just dont have enough energy to even cry sometimes. You believe your boyfriend loves you, but he stopped showing his love in tangible ways. Its been hard but there are better things to come. Both Christmases weve been together hes given me money with the excuse that he doesnt have time to shop. He gets annoyed and sighs and does the What do you want from me now?? he nvr wants to go out w me, not even to dinner. Your email address will not be published. Thank you for being here, and for being so honest about your relationship difficulties! Ill call him daily or send him texts but he only leaves me on seen and doesnt reply. Maybe hes just tired from working too much? In the past few months that has changed and hes gotten better. Communication is not good. One thing that has been helping me is just leaving the room to give each other space. His brother lives for free with his mother and he has nothing but contempt for him over it. My boyfriend and I have been together over 3 years. But all I want from him is a simple hug. Losing the It has still been difficult for me since we spent so much time together. Im a stay home mom right now but still help my BF with reports, programs etc for work. Is it too much to expect from a boyfriend to ask out his girlfriend one a month? Should I leave? The first year was good, with what I call sparks! He is very sporadic with hugs and holding hands. But then he keeps telling me he loves me, he cares for me, Im matter and important to him. I MEAN EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN LIFE BUT I WOULD INSIST ON HIM CHANGING THE DRINKING NOW OR LATER YOU COULD BE LIVING MY LIFE. He used to be affectionate and communicates a lot. There are plenty more examples. Often the dog doesnt get walked for a few hours in the morning because I have to get myself and the kids ready before I can take the dog out when really he could just get up and do it.He never wants to come on walks with us. Our communication is pretty bad now. Find the courage to leave him! Btw he put his board in a form of a heart on his wall for me . He does have some medical issues, but seems to be taking care of most of them, he also says he does suffer from depression and I am wondering if this is what is happening. Niw he say he is not happy, he ask if u cannot forget that incident how we continue this relationship, he say i dont know how tontalk with him, donot respect him, and now he does not make any efforts to fix our dying relationship. Again Im the only one putting in effort. He has some property on the other side of town, he asked me to move in with him to establish a foundation. Stop working for him. We live in one of the coolest states in the world, Orlando Fl. Not texting me as often, not asking when we are going to hangout again. I had sent him links to little trinkets and gifts. However he has an interview for one. Hello Crystal, I am very interested in what you have said, do you mind to give more details please? But now that he has you he sees he doesnt have to try anymore. Grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first gives a clear on! Got into a lot so I only had his name tend to cry not one of his priorities of! 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