All around me, people were folding. Peak Atlantic. From 2015 to 2021, my private conversations were some of the best Ive ever had. All Rights Reserved. Sarah is survived by her husband, Russell Hepola; children, Paula (John) Hepola Anderson, Annette (John) Blume, Lynn (Delbert) Fickes & Keith Hepola; grandchildren, Joanna Anderson, Bryan (Mackenzie) Blume, Joshua (Kelsie) Blume, Maria (Cory) Grunewald, Hannah (Mikael) VahnDijk, Christopher Fickes, Angelene (John) Winges & Shane (Kristi) Fickes; The unsavory truth is that I sympathized with many of these men: Johnny Depp, Ryan Adams, Brett Kavanaugh, every booze-soaked dumbass who has been accused of doing or saying things he may or may not remember, may or may not regret, may or may not have done while under the influence. Conan O'Brien's recent comedy bits about Finland earned him that country's adulation; his trip there for a one-hour specialairing tonightsealed the deal. Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. If you do, that is sexual assault. I just decided, I get to be however I want, and you need to accept me. He could take the hits. When women are in a blackout, things are done to them.. Sarah Hepola is the author of the bestselling Blackout and whatever she writes next. A memoir of unblinking honesty and poignant, laugh-out-loud humor, BLACKOUT is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure--the sober life she never wanted. Burial service for victims of the SS Atlantic shipwreck, April 1873. She and Don raised six children there. published June 24, 2015. Sarah Hepola's Blackout, a dark, funny, honest-to-the-bone account of getting sober. Fear. Prickly issues that deserve a full airing are being treated as settled law. The #MeToo movement, which felt like a necessary corrective when it began, was starting to feel like an arrow pointed at our own agency. Its very unusual for sexual assaults involving a blackout to get a conviction, partly for this reason. All Rights Reserved. Were living in a time when social media have made it dangerous to address certain fraught topics from the wrong perspective. Because I havent done a deep dive into the current educational pamphlets that are out there. What the unlikely matchup means for one writer's family. Follow her on Twitter (@sarahhepola) and Instagram . I wonder, too: is that a question I should really be answering? I kept going. To do so risks public shaming and possible loss of livelihood, both of which are of overwhelming importance to people like Hepola who write for a living. He worked in a factory, with his hands. Like me, the younger man had fallen in love with art because it was the place where people told the truth. Not because anyone asked for it, but because this is the career Ive chosen, and if Im not doing that, then what are we doing here? All around me, people were folding. New York, Grand Central Publishing, 2015, 230 pp., 26.00. Big in Finland. First, its a simply stunning piece of writing, which provokes in me feelings of both awe and jealousy. I was so proud of this small, private act of civil disobedience that I brought it home to Texas to show it to the younger man like a prized pelt. In her book, released in June, the author -- who edits personal essays for Salon.com -- discusses her long, both complicated and sometimes devastatingly simple relationship with alcohol. Hepola conveys both the horror in the mysteries left after a night smudged dark by drinking, and the draw . Not that project, not that story, not that controversy. And that is a great gift that you can give someone. I listened to podcasts on which controversial figures interviewed controversial guests, engaging in those delicious conversations I held so dear. He came from a different generation, but I was pleased to discover that he shared many of my unconventional opinions and favorite authors, that taste and perspective werent necessarily a matter of the year you were born. Shes the co-conspirator of Smoke Em if You Got Em, a weekly podcast on whats burning through the culture that she hosts with friend and fellow scribe Nancy Rommelmann. I was not writing much about this stuff, except in the journals where I always stowed my secrets. She writes of her. Right. When I quit drinking in 2010, bringing to an end a dark history of blackouts and tumbles down staircases, I thought I might lose my writing career. Online condolences may be left at jonespearson.com. Movies and books became a refuge, along with the Top 40 radio I listened to at night in my pink-and-red bedroom to drown out arguments between my parents, who were going through a rough patch. I thought that my friendships were over, because alcohol had been such a point of bonding for us. Sarah Hepola of Menahga, Minnesota September 1, 1928 - April 24, 2022 Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. husband and son, that ultimately create the life she needs to survive. And in a way, youre telling that person something. Her essays have appeared in the New York Times magazine, the Atlantic, Elle, Bloomberg Businessweek, The Guardian, Salon, and Texas Monthly. The question is: What size is that, and should it be? Heres something that I think helps enrich the conversation." She was preceded in death by: her husband, Don; her son, Mark; and her daughter in law Twyla (Paul). and Al Franken became Andrew Cuomo and Dave Chappelle. Instead my writing grew better, stronger, more clearheaded. So this is my resolution as I trudge from this dark place: to speak out more. But I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations. (I had to imagine that Oprah, queen of empathy, was having a hell of a time in this day and age. As jobs in the industry diminished, journalism had become even more cutthroat. What if I had to substitute strawberries for raspberries and the customer didnt like strawberries? The Rise to Fame 1. The Internet hates Franzen? He was not an online creature, despite being 29. The notion that men were the ones who needed to changenot a bad idea, in my opinionhad a stubborn way of relinquishing women from the burden of their own choices and behavior. (I had to imagine that Oprah, queen of empathy, was having a hell of a time in this day and age. That might be why Ive so desperately sought the validation of people on Twitter Ive never even met. I thought that my dating life was over, because there was no way in hell that I was gonna be able to be intimate with somebody without drinking. Jones-Pearson Funeral Home. Ive been waiting for someone to confront me on my drinking! They will feel defensive, hurt. At one point, for example, she came out of a blackout while having sex with someone she didn't recognize: "It's like the universe dropped me into someone else's body. Maybe Ill meet the love of my life, and maybe come April, Ill be picking up groceries for the good people of North Texas who need those seven items, pronto. Every once in a while, Id get a head of steam about some scandal, and Id start a big-swing essay only to bench myself a few days later. I took on freelance stories only to pull out when they too proved controversial. Do you have any advice for someone who is thinking about broaching the subject of drinking problems with a friend? I had friends where it was like -- Im giving her my confessions every weekend and shes trying to play nursemaid and priest and mother and all these things and she finally had to say, I cant do this anymore. And then I had the friend who took a social step back, and basically stopped inviting me. Her writing has been published by the New York Times magazine, The New Republic, Elle, Glamour, The Guardian, Slate, and The Morning News, where she is a contributing writer. I have that line in the book: Activism may defy nuance, but sex demands it." She is also survived by her grandchildren: Sarah, Brady, Matt, JJ, Jennifer, Greg, Joe, Danny, and Shane, along with her great-grandchildren Runa, Hans, Asher, Bear, and Autumn. But my cohort and I had grown up wanting it both ways: a safe career, and an artistic one. I suspect I will lose followers (I dont have that many), but perhaps I will gain self-respect, which Ive been sorely lacking lately. She and Don raised six children there. What gets lost when a writer mutes herself? I wanted people to love me without really knowing me, which isnt love. Over the years, pop culture has brought us some bizarre international pairings: Jerry . Can you actually support yourself as an Uber driver? Ours was not a moment to explore The Other Side. If only I had her courage. I stayed on apodcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleadersthat I feared everyone would hate, and I braced myself to be unpopular, to take the hits, which never really came. The fast-typing egalitarians of the internet age wanted social change, vengeance, a megaphone for their righteous anger. But the world kept exploding, and I only retreated further into my hidey-hole. Cloud Teachers College and became a 4 th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola. A journalist whose delightfully combative Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel. Gender, sex, morality. I had not done the hard work of accepting myself; I was always drinking myself into an acceptance of myself, but I introduced new shame. I remember the poetic allusion of the title that was lost on . Its a shame the Internet hates him, I messaged. And a lot of us are trapped in that sorry place. Public scolding, all-caps hyperbole, a stubborn refusal to understand another point of viewintolerance, once perceived as a conservative problem, was fully bipartisan now. Joan Didion, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, though I had more reservations about that last one. But I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations. Maybe Ill write something lousy. In the two years since, I have tried to drum up the courage to be someone different from the writer I had become. Ours was not a moment to explore The Other Side. She was baptized at home on April 19, 1933 into the Finnish National Lutheran Church and later when the Topelius Church merged with the LCMS, she was confirmed at Trinity Lutheran Church in New York Mills. Because I wanted to talk to other writers about the things you cant write about anymore., His eyes narrowed. Artists were the weirdos and the scoundrels, the square pegs who never fit the round hole of society, and the result was typically a bucket of addictions, perversions, and bizarre predilections born of life on the outskirts. I applied to pick up groceries for Instacart, and each time I scrolled through the latest batch (seven items, two miles away), I was seized with the fear that Id fail at that too. No jail time. Id say it was disappointed. I listened to podcasts on which controversial figures interviewed controversial guests, engaging in those delicious conversations I held so dear. Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times bestseller, "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget," now out in paperback. During a blackout, the alcohol user may behave normally, yet have no recollection of events upon sobriety. One of the reasons that I drank so much when I was drinking and involved with men is that I felt deeply uncomfortable with my own body. Im watching you and you dont look OK to me. A single womans life, also precarious. As a journalist, you can create a free Muck Rack account to customize your profile, list your contact preferences, and upload a portfolio of your best work. A writers life is financially precarious. I would thump the kitchen table. We see Hepola scan an AA room for a potential boyfriend, gain fifty pounds by . I was somebody who my friends were worrying about, and they were talking about me -- not because theyre gossips, but because they worried and thats what women do: they talk to one another. They have no idea. His research focuses on the historical sociology of American schooling, including topics such as the evolution of high schools, the growth of consumerism, the origins and nature of education schools, and the role of schools in promoting access and advantage more than subject-matter learning. Books were a common pleasure point, and I was eager to tell him about a literary party Id recently attended in New York City, where Id once lived and often visited in the Before Times. Perhaps he was disappointed in me, or in an environment where writers saved the best and juiciest controversies for private conversations. Sarah Hepola can be an celebrity, known for Rurni Kenshin: Ishin shishi e zero Requiem . Not to engage in callouts, or scolding, or eye rolls, which are not my style, but to express my own deep ambivalence, my own point of view on subjects that matter to me. (I have no reason to suspect that Chanel Miller is a chronic blackout drinker, but my research taught me that blackout drinking can be chronic in college environments. I have read one article that is like a flawless, pure distillation of everything that annoys me about waffly liberal writing. David Labaree on Schooling, History, and Writing, Comments on the nature of the US system of schooling, big history, and the craft of writing. Also, Id fantasized about having lunch with him, and then later being able to say that Malcolm Gladwell and I were friends. What Sarah Hepola taught me about blackout drinking and sobriety's thrill Early in our correspondence, hed expressed great affection for Jonathan Franzen. And Im talking about friends of mine who work at top tier magazines, people who know the history of ancient Rome. His books include: The Making of an American High School (Yale, 1988); How to Succeed in School Without Really Learning: The Credentials Race in American Education (Yale, 1997); The Trouble with Ed Schools (Yale University Press, 2004); Someone Has to Fail: The Zero-Sum Game of Public Schooling (Harvard, 2010); and A Perfect Mess: The Unlikely Ascendancy of American Higher Education (Chicago, 2017).View all posts by David Labaree, Your email address will not be published. Im dying to talk about the Brock Turner incident, I said. podcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. | Funeral Home Website by Batesville Home | Id spent the past five or so years watching celebrities, pundits, friends, and internet randos fall from grace for reasons as varied as sharing dumb jokes, making clumsy writing errors, accidentally showing their dong, and expressing controversial (though often widely held) opinions in the public execution chambers of social media. Join Tracy Clark-Flory as she presents her newest book Want Me: A Sex Writer's Journey Into the Heart of Desire. She writes of waking up in a hospital with no idea how she got there and only a handful of cluesa grim scenario that is nonetheless a familiar one for blackout drinkers like me. to John "Vernor" and Signe Porkkonen. I have a million things to say, but well talk about it after the event.. Im not going to die in that ditch today, I often said to a like-minded friend when we spoke about these scandals, which was daily, both of us getting in a lather because the topics were so rich. What was trauma, really? A menudo se despertaba con lagunas y un espacio en blanco en el que debera haber habido cuatro horas. She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie, MN" in 1962. Instead my writing grew better, stronger, more clearheaded. "Sobriety sucked the biggest donkey dong in the world," she tells us, and she backs that up. Shes the host and creator of the Texas Monthly podcastAmericas Girls, an eight-part series on the lost history and cultural impact of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, a series that no less thanVogue magazine said expertly complicates Americas cheerleading obsession. Sarah never knew she was a cat person until she got a cat. The unwritten rule of elite media tribes seemed to be this: You spout the company line, or you shut up. I was stuck. She has worked as a music critic, travel writer, film reviewer, sex blogger, beauty columnist, and high school English teacher. But I think that when youre in that place, you do feel dramatic. I still wanted it both ways: the respect and admiration of strangers without the hard work of earning that respect. He had a book coming out, Talking to Strangers, which included a well-researched chapter on alcohol and blackouts in the context of a college scandal I knew better than most, having met some of the people involved with the legal case. At what point does an AirBNB just become a hotel? Sarah Hepola: When I first started thinking about writing a book, I went to Barnes & Noble in Union Square [in New York], and I went to the addiction section and read everything I could find.I found this book about women and drinking, and the upshot was that women hide their drinking and there are no social rituals about drinking for women the way there are for men. I kept going. Were missing the chance to learn. And when my friends stopped laughing because, you know, laughter is a complicity; its Im in this with you. When my friends stopped laughing, I was like, Oh wow, OK, this isnt so cool anymore., Each of my friends reacted differently to what was going on. At last, I've finally reached the end of The Atlantic. I was so scared that my life was over. Everyone kept quiet (save for the brave few who did not). I couldnt always tell the difference between activism and protectionism, valid critique and frivolous complaint. Arrangements were entrusted to Jones Pearson Funeral Home of Park Rapids. Id long considered myself a liberal and a feminist, but Id grown terrified of being banished for views I considered reasonable, or at least worth discussingbut maybe, but what about, but actually. Follow her on Twitter @sarahhepola, on Instagram @thesarahhepolaexperience, and on Facebook @facebook.com/sarah.hepola.blackout. And though the area of expertise Id staked out as a writer was the complications of womens independence and the nuances of sex, and my own personal brand was blunt honesty, I could not bring myself to say word one about these episodes in public. Maybe Ill meet the love of my life, and maybe come April, Ill be picking up groceries for the good people of North Texas who need those seven items, pronto. But admitting what I really thought, what I really believed about these complicated issues, I feared a similar exile. I was stuck on my second book, stuck on projects Id taken to cover the expenses of not finishing that book. She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. Sally is survived by her children: John (Tracy), Bemidji, MN; Paul, Menahga, MN; jean Gibbs (Mark), Waconia, MN, Sue Umhoefer (Mark),Hartland, Wl, and Dale, Bemidji, MN. Early in our correspondence, hed expressed great affection for Jonathan Franzen. But in 2015 Id written a memoir that introduced some controversial ideas about women and drinking, and I badly wanted to be a part of their rogue outfit, even as I clung to the more doctrinaire one Id long considered my own. 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